“I have stared out upon the sea of humanity and watched the waves created by the conflict within its turbulent waters, of the hopes and dreams of those carried deeply from within the waves dashed against the rocks or sent soaring into the crystal air from the sea of humanity to stand far above the turbulences below. The warm reflection upon the surface of the water or the cold deeps down far below, people always find their place within the sea of life, yet we are not confined to just one level. Throughout our lives we float from the bottom to the top of the sea of life, never staying place, always moving, always changing, and always learning. And in all of this, we seem to almost always lose ourselves right before we are able to save ourselves. We can never truly drown within the sea of humanity and life; we are never truly lost within the cascading waves. The challenge is finding where we might belong at a certain point of time, and always having that change upon us in a moments notice. I have learned this through life, even at my young age. I am not a great philosopher such as Plato or Socrates, I am barely a student of life let alone a teacher of this wondrous sea of humanity, but I have learned to occasionally float upon the surface. I have had many titles within my lifetime; I have been a teacher, a friend, a leader, and hero. A student, an enemy, a follower, and a villain, these are all different parts that I have learned to be, but the hardest one that I have ever encountered is the title of hero. Why would hero be the hardest title that I have ever held? Heroes are those which the waves of life throw out of the water to set as a shinning example of what humanity can be. They are not confined to the simple boundaries of life, they stand above it. The can do the impossible and never even consider the consequences. Yes, I am proud of being a hero, yet always I remember the meanings of that title. I was a leader of men, I taught them to swim the sea of humanity, to become their own men, their own teachers, their own students. Saving those drowning with the sea of humanity became a focus for my life even as I was drowning myself. The simple fact about becoming a hero is that most people forget that they are human also and first most. I can drown also, and I have drowned within the sea of doubts and fears. I am not a true hero, I cannot be a true hero, for I have never learned how to save myself. It is a hard fact of life to admit to ones own faults, but to learn from them is something even the best of us never do. The true heroes are those I had taught the meaning of life to. They are the self-sacrificing, the self motivating, the self saving ones. There comes a particular time in a child’s life when they realize that there is something more, where awareness sparks and energy rushes through them like a swift ocean current driving them and pushing them into greatness. The true heroes are children, for they are the greatest driving force within the sea of humanity, they are the currents to the future. Diving and surfing, bobbing upon the sea, children are the driving force of what it means to be a hero.”
Damian Miller, The End of the Rainbow, 2003
Today has been one of those days in which the weather was perfect, all on my relative day off. I was able to sleep in and shrug off the effects of historiography last night, although in all I didn’t sleep well. It wasn’t so much nightmares (which I am way too comfortable with after these last 10 years), but just really wierd dreams. I want to blame it upon the nacho dip that I made for a late dinner last night, but it could be from multiple stresses in life. I really have no clue.
Waking up to a kitten using your foot as his personal scratching post is a little uncomfortable, and ended up him getting swatted off the bed with a pillow following him out the bedroom. I swear that my kitten does this because he finds it is fun and a challenge. Yet another thing in my life that likes to torture me cause it is fun;-)
I cranked the hot water heater from low to hot, and then sat around for 30 minutes waiting for the longest hot shower that I’ve had in ages (sat around is a nice way to put that I curled up back in my comforter and cursed the daylight that was shining through my window so early). Someday I want to have one of those huge bathtubs, with the water jets to massage my back (which is still sore from the chair I sat in last night), just so I can wake up and have a bath instead of a shower 
I wouldn’t have to worry about Trouble playing in it, an open pool of water=unhappy kitty…he hates the stuff and hates getting any sort of wet (although he doesn’t complain too much when I give him his weekly bath…ok, yeah he does…but he smells clean after he dries off). My bathroom was a steambath this morning, and it felt so good. (I grew up swimming and have always loved the water. Guess that makes sense why I was a lifeguard for 6 years)
I spent about 5 hours over at my advisors house this afternoon helping out getting ready for his grandson’s b-day party this weekend. It was a fun day, just a little longer than I was planning, but still I was glad to come home this evening. After that I ate an unhealthy dinner of taco dip (my younger bro’s recipe…it is ok, but needs something…like veggies) and a good few hours of movies (I very much recommend Kingdom of Heaven…it is an interesting view of the crusades and in my opinion of a historical film, a good one. It doesn’t pull punches on right or wrong, and it is self evident in the movie). Horray for relaxation…I feel so much better today than I did last night after class.
This evening has been spent hanging out with a friend of mine, so all in all nothing productive was accomplished. Go figure. I have done alot for the week, so I shouldn’t feel too guilty, but I do want to do more. But I am being creative and adding some of my writings from a book that I have written and looking to eventually have published, titled The End of the Rainbow. I wrote this in a very dark point of my life, but I really think it shows the human spirit shining through and alot of thinking. I like to call it a modern day fairy tale, with its own heroes, wise sages, a beautiful maiden, and dark monsters…those who have read it love the story, although if i get about a week’s worth of free time, I want to deconstruct it and fix areas which fill my correction notebook. If anyone really wants to read it, I could arrange a copy sent to someone. Anyways, with my wake up looming in 6 hours, I should post one more thing and head to bed. Sleep well everyone and pleasant dreams.
