The Cracked Blade

Why is the concept of following directions seem impossible now?

Well today it really felt like fall was begining, it was cold and rainy most of the day. I have no problem with this if A) I had a fire place and a good book to curl up with and some hot chocolate, B) if i didn’t have to drive around in it when people were acting really dumb just cause it rained, and C) I didn’t feel so exhausted today for no good reason. I think the fact that my b-day coming up next week is bumming me out a bit, i just thought i would be much farther along in my life at the age of 26. Not to say that grad school isn’t great, but sometimes you have to wonder “what if…”. It is wierd to think the paths that my life has taken up to now, I know for a fact that I couldn’t have guessed what my life would be like until now. I am still scared by the idea that I am in gradschool, it is a huge leap and commitment, a type of commitment that I haven’t made in years since I had my heart ripped out by the last one several years back. I don’t want to say that I have commitment problems, but as I’ve been told by friends, I am jaded romantic…I love the idea of true love, but my heart can’t take being hurt again.
In other news, outside of the dread of hitting my late 20’s, today has just been one of those days in which I did alot of work, but it still feels like i was unproductive. I guess gettting alot done in the morning but missing class cause I didn’t pay attention to the clock had alot to do with it. I so didn’t mean to miss class, but it just happened because I got too involved with some of my historiography reading for wens that it just passed me by. I also made several archaeology maps today for Doc R, and if I say so, they look awesome. I wish i had spent more time playing with that stuff today, but I didn’t make it to the lab like I needed, so I didn’t have the files in front of me when I worked. Ancient history was fun today, but the movie that I decided to show was horrible and I felt bad about it. That is what I get when I previewed the movie while cooking dinner this weekend.
I guess what made me feel so unproductive today was that I came home and sat down this afternoon, I didn’t do anything that could be concidered productive, not even reading a book. I have had alot of snuggle time with Trouble today, he has been esspecally loving and playful (I have the scratch on the bottom of my foot this morning to testify to his playfulness today…), so that does make me feel better. And it isn’t like i played all that many games today, just 2 hours, which is a nice break but unnessisary. Tomorrow I will be able to get alot more done with my day, I will be adding in alot to my grade book in the morning, reading a few chapters tomorrow in several books, hitting the lib to pick up more material to study before I have office hours, and head home to clean up my appartment (mostly the socks that Trouble plays with all day when I am gone), maybe get to put together a costume for this weekend (can we say galabia again this halloween), have dinner with Phi Alpha Theta’s initiates, and then sit down at home and write part of a paper tomorrow (I think the begining of my 590 paper). Just part of the life of a grad student…or lack there of…